Understanding the Proverbial ‘Bad Bitch’ Through The Black Lady Sketch Show

Out of a plethora of shows available on creative platforms, I choose Black shows because I seek to clearly understand the many complex issues plaguing the Black community and especially the Black woman.

I came upon this show on Instagram. It was advertised as a coming soon on HBO and looked like it held so much value because of a HILARIOUS preview and later scenes that serve/d as fluid vehicles to push social commentary about women’s lives in post modern society. In summary, I  would say the show is an honest parody of societal issues with a limelight on feminine life. The topics projected in the show span impossible beauty standards, a comparison of marriage and it’s gradually changing or totally changed standards and expectations from our parents’ generation as compared to the millennial generation and a lot more!

This post will explore the Bad Bitch Support group scene from one of the episodes and hopefully spark your interest in jumping on this show as a way to understand, reinforce or refute certain ideas you may already have.

The Bad Bitch Support Scene –

Impossible Beauty Standards Enforced by Who?

Context

Words at Play – Bad Bitch,  Basic Bitch, Okay Bitch, Pressure, Men, Lace front, Waist Trainer , Fucksicodone ( Spelt as heard on show ).

This scene is set in what seems to be a lab. The women  are seated in a group and are observed through a glass window by two scientists. The scientists have a representative ( Angela Basset) who chairs  the group. The Bad Bitches are in deep conversation about their lives and some of them speak of the pressures and stresses of maintaining a life that is eternally linked to heels and make up. Some of the members of the group seem perfectly fine with their state and are horrified at the thought of ever allowing their partner ( Men in this case ) see them without make up. They all agree to some extent about the need to remain in their current state all except one of them who is distraught and ready to give up. The rest of the ladies and the scientists are shocked at her questions and non conformity. The scientists resolve to increase the dosage of Fucksicodone ( a coined term from the word ‘Fuck’ and the suffix of a family of drugs that are meant to numb pain and in this case common sense or a desire to rebel against imposed beauty standards.)

From The Top

Third/Forth wave feminism circles around agency and choice. Particularly for Black women who have witnessed struggles shaped in the form of sexism and racism, the state of being a Bad Bitch has become a doubled layered protective tool that could help navigate the aforementioned terrains. A Bad Bitch is defined as a woman who embraces her body while simultaneously using it as a commodity (Lavoulle and Ellison, 2017).

  Screen Shot 2019-09-02 at 13.17.04In the scene above, the implied truths portrayed are that these women must be confident, tall and unflinching because as one of the characters say; ‘they didn’t choose this life, this life chose them‘. This statement though is indicative of a certain kind of lack of a choice, of a lot that has been cast on them through the workings of the male gaze, objectification of the Black female body and capitalism, link to the second factor. The location of the scene, –  a lab, – is a weighty portrayal of the fact that indeed, there is a working behind the scene when it comes to beauty standards. Through the scene we further understand how a woman can be objectified with no gain and with shame only and unnecessary vulnerability as side effects. For this reason and in tandem with the specific definition of a Bad Bitch as offered by (Lavoulle and Ellison, 2017), Bad Bitchery can enamor and position women  to  gain over the forces that suppress them. One of the characters explains that she goes great lengths to fix her make up an hour before her man is up. It is unclear if this work (of rising early to make up), is meant to elicit some form of gain from the man; – however, if it is, then the choice of the character to use the tool of make up ( which equally functions as a tool of objectification ) to her personal gain guarantees some kind of a win for her.

The final scene where the scientists question why the outlier lady does not want to play into the idea of what a woman should be ( made up, waist trainer clad and in heels ) sums up the play of capitalism and the male gaze in objectifying women. However these females have a choice in how they can turn the powers to their advantage via Bad Bitchery.

Related Post

 

Thank You for reading, here is a Song for you.

Why Jordan Peele’s US Movie has Inequality Written all Over It

Theme song from the US movie

Any literary fanatic knows that the technique of recurrent motifs in a work of art be it literary or visual is a way of sending home an idea.

Motif – In a literary work, a motif can be seen as an image, sound, action, or other figure that has a symbolic significance, and contributes toward the development of a theme. … In a literary piece, a motif is a recurrent image, idea, or symbol that develops or explains a theme, while a theme is a central idea or message.

The Image of the Bunny

The movie opens with a shot that enlargens as viewers are brought from the image of the pink eye of a bunny to a larger frame containing a good number of bunnies all stuck apathetically behind the iron mesh of individual cages they are kept in.

Question – So how does a bunny connect with the idea of inequality?

Answer – All the bunnies are white, and stuck either inside the cages they are assigned or freely wandering in the rabbit hole in which the minions ( whose doppelgangers are up above on the earth are located ). The color white is a symbol of innocence, and purity. The bunnies are victims of their situation, are powerless and incapable of doing anything except wander. The use of an even color for all the bunnies symbolises the sameness of all the bunnies, their sameness does not only stop at their color, their sameness is seen in their collective lot; they are all trapped in the rabbit hole or the cages. At some point, we are unable to quite distinguish between the bunnies and the doppelgangers that remain in the underworld with the bunnies, who represents who? do the bunnies represent the puppetted humans or do the puppetted humans become an extension of the bunnies?

A bunny is an animal that can connotatively be linked with docility, apathy and indifference. Ever seen a bunny eating mindlessly? They eat as though they do not even care about the food itself; I’m yet to encounter a bunny that has been aggressive or that has tried to exit its circumstances or act in any kind of proactive way. In the same vein, a rabbit hole denotatively defines as a bizarre, confusing, or nonsensical situation or environment, typically one from which it is difficult to extricate oneself. ( credit Google ) The puppetted humans are trapped in an underground area with the rabbits; this underground area which is nestled beneath a lone house on a beach is a place of chaos, brainless and idiotic repetition and confusion. The tethered remain down the rabbit hole and for the rest of their lives, are subjected to only doing exactly what their copies do on earth. The camera shows us many a person that simply repeats exactly what their earthly copy does without a will to stop or break out of it. The people trapped in here seem to be a part of an entire calculated system that is designed to keep them there; the cages of the bunnies are a larger symbol of the prison of a carbon copy life these people are subjected to. The bunnies in their own terms also hop around the area without any particular direction or purpose in mind. This repetitive system and bubble that these beings are trapped in mirror a system that is designed to keep people below and hopeless. The people like these bunnies being the puppets they are will forever be unable to leave the shackles of their situation ( cages/rabbit hole). Which is why when they get the chance to leave their circumstances, they come out with a lot of little bit of contempt to trade places with their alter egos who by living their lives have subjected these minions to suffering.

Aimless bunnies in the rabbit hole

A Reversal that is Born out of Contempt

To start quite tragically, the people on earth who by living their daily lives deprive the tethered of will and choice do not even know of the existence of their suffering doppelgangers. The tethered – The very name of the alter egos indicate a deprivation of will. To be tethered translates into being tied or bound to a thing or person out of compulsion. Adelaide’s tethered often describes herself as the shadow of Adelaide. How then can a person separate themselves from their shadow? It is the impossibility of this separation that irks the tethered and makes them exact revenge on the earthlings because as we see, the very existence of the earthlings guarantees an endless suffering for the tethered. In Red’s ( Adelaide’s alter ego’s) narration of her life, we see a binary that is deeply soiled with inequality. While Adelaide enjoys a warm bed and gifts and love, Red barely lives, enduring what she is dealt which is the exact opposite of what Adelaide enjoys. The first thing that gives a brash indication of the stark message Peele wishes to send across comes through when Adelaide asks Red who the tethered are; to this question, Red answers, ‘We are Americans’. This answer begs many questions, if they are Americans, and humans at the core of everything, why do they get a different treatment from the other Americans who live freely? Let’s not forget that the protagonist as well as their friends are middle to upper middle class families who can afford a vacation, a vacation home, a yacht and other luxuries. Gabe is college educated from his overly apparent alumnus Howard sweater and his taste for the finer things in life which pushes him onto an unhealthy need to rub shoulders with his wealthy White friend whose wife is as vain as a peacock. These are a cohort of people whose concerns exceed the mundane and painful lot of living as a puppet ( which is the fate of the Reds so to speak).

Also interesting is the fact that the movie commences with the obvious message of a humanitarian organization ( Hands across America ) that is known for its 1986 protest of a people connected hand in hand in a solidarity statement to end poverty, homelessness and hunger. In the US movie, it is no longer regular people that hold hands, it is the Reds that hold hands perhaps to protest inequality. After all, what is the aim of standing in solidarity and unison with connected hands if not to support each other? The imagery of this human connectedness is cast in such dramatic irony when we realize that Peele’s characters are everything but connected. Like in modern society, they remain apart and far from connected while one group suffers and another ‘lives’

Follow theAffickyPodcast for an extensive conversation on what the movie meant for us 🙂

How Similar are the Aquaman and Black Panther Movies?

Aquaman

Khal Drogo is such a baddie! Khal Drogo remains my personal go-to name for Jason Momoa just because I really can not shake off the impression he made on me in the Game of Thrones. His first shirtless entrance onto the set in Aquaman where he gives his back to the camera and then turns dramatically in a perfect male model pose only to kick the asses of the villains on the submarine is more than enough to leave a double dose of awe.

The cinematography of Aquaman together with all the dramatic elements that combine to make this great movie will leave viewers with that intense satisfaction of having seen unknotted ties resolve. However, just like most superhero movies, the ending where the assassin (whose dad was murdered) demonstrates a relentless need to continue pursuing Aquaman leaves the possibility of a sequel. Aquaman’s brother the ( Oceanmaster ) is also alive which equally leaves a huge possibility of a sequel.

More importantly, this post aims to comment on the many parts of the movie that are hugely reminiscent of the Black Panther movie.

Consanguineous Struggle, a legitimate premise or a basic appeal of human emotion?

The resurfacing of an illegitimate relation who threatens the so-called legitimate son and heir to the throne is no new development on our screens; Lion King follows this pattern, Tchalla’s kingship is threatened by Killmonger who surfaces out of nowhere. Unlike Killmonger, Aquaman does not exactly want the throne because he does not even believe himself a king yet the conflict of interests and the potential demise of the kingdom based off of two different approaches to saving the seas from earth’s pollution force Aquaman to man up and take his rightful place as king of the Ocean. Another scene that makes the Aquaman movie hugely evocative of the Black Panther movie is that the protagonist and villain battle it out in or around water. Tchalla and Killmonger’s fight like Aquaman and Oceanmaster’s fights are in or around water. In both movies, the fights leave viewers at the edges of their seats as audiences struggle with which side to be on while remaining transfixed because of the implications of the fight. Because how do deal with the pain of seeing two brothers or closely related kin fight?

Love as a Tool to Reveal the Other Side of the Protagonist

Aquaman’s built, tattooed and cut body together with his eyebrow slit and piercing gaze make him look everything but weak. The use of the word weak here is in no way implicit of love equalling weakness, yet love often brings with it a level of vulnerability and uncertainty that is not the least synonymous to the superheroes often depicted with it. This lumberjack character comes with a blend of sexy and sultry that keeps eyes glued on the protagonist throughout the movie. Aquaman rocks blond highlights in his hair which seem to blend in perfectly with his bronze skin and eyes. This sharp copper tone together with shoulder length tousled hair makes him visually pleasing whether in underwater scenes or on land. Like Tchalla, the strong and constantly valiant personality is often overtaken by emotion. Aquaman allows himself to show viewers that he is unsure of his capacity as a king regardless of his unshakable nature. He also has moments where he is completely open and unrestrained in his display of interest and attention received from Mera. To see heroes bare their human sides once in a while is realistic and refreshing. Equally interesting is the way Aquaman and Tchalla decide to give their vanquished opponents the chance to live, though these proud opponents ironically demand to be served their death. While Killmonger decides to join his ancestors fearlessly through death, the queen of Atlantis comes through as a deus ex machina for her Ocean Master son who is on the verge of death. Even the queen’s look and the look of the Black Panther queen are similar, whitish-blond lace frontals seem to be the queenish go to look these days.

Queen Atlanna
Queen Mother of Wakanda

Other Interesting Parts of the Aquaman Movie

Why is the Half Bred Colored?

The half-bred grows from a brown baby to a Brown man who is considered bastard and unworthy by his underwater family. His mom who is fully Caucasian defies the norm and lays with an ordinary brown man. His brother who is Caucasian fits what is expected of a legitimate heir and a full son of the underwater world. The bastard son, on the other hand, feels culpable for the mother’s excommunication and feels a sense of defeat already since he is often reminded of his hand in the mother’s death. To the dwellers of Atlantis, this half-bred son of the queen may be the legitimate heir to the throne by virtue of being first born yet the mere fact that he is not fully Atlantean ( if that’s a word ) makes him questionable.

Is the making of this other coincidental or intentional?

The Aquaman Movie and the Athenian/Futuristic Divide

Atlantis and its scepter bearing lords together with its lifelike statues and busts of past lords combine an Athenian feel that takes us back to ancient Rome. The round underwater courtyard that some of the scenes capture and the fighting ring remind of the large roman amphitheaters that hosted athletics, gladiator combats, and circuses. At the same time, parts of the movie feature ultra-modern technology, robotics and futuristic scenes that are sometimes good to look at and sometimes flat out mechanical and a bit much. Some of the underwater agents sent out by the ocean master to arrest or cause havoc on land reminded me vaguely of newer makes of the power rangers. I hated them to be honest.

Parallel Struggles and Techniques that made the Movie so Badass

Anyone who watched the movie carefully would have noticed that Aquaman’s eyes are a larger reflection of his intuitive power and charm. His eyes not only illuminate underwater to guide his path, his eyes seem to be the pathway into this strong yet peaceful character. The final scenes where his eyes almost reflect and actually match the golden hue of the scepter and his costume actually remind us of the fact that he is truly king. His former scruffy, laid-back local town dwelling self in average clothes do not do enough justice to the glow in his eyes and his soul. The glory and grandeur of kingship suit him better than his former ordinary self. Aquaman is truly made for the throne and that is exactly what those glowy set of eyes and mysterious air is made for. Kingship brings out his full character and the Khal Drogo we sort of want back on our screens.

The cinematographic technique of making Mera and Aquaman face their own unique pursuants in the hills of Italy helps audiences realize the unique power that the duo has and the even greater force they will be once their love joins forces.

Mera and Aquaman

The exaggeration presents itself when the fight is taken into the living space of an extraordinarily calm senior who watches two metahumans fight as if fighters at each others’ throats breaking through her roof on a sunny afternoon is an entirely normal occurrence. Needless to say, I hate how superheroes fight with a plain disregard for the destruction they leave in their wake.

Women Women Women!

What would Aquaman do without the women in his life egging him on to, first of all, believe in himself and act in the interest of his people?…. Women play key roles in this movie and their direct influence and help cannot be underestimated in this movie or in the Black Panther movie where women warriors, intimate lady friends, and mothers join hands to nurture, protect and enamor the men protagonists.

The scene where Aquaman and Mera go through dangerous lengths just to journey through a middle passage to rescue Queen Atlanna feels similar to the scene from the Ant man movie where the characters went through great lengths only to retrieve the mother. Mother is supreme! Chinua Achebe did not lie!

Conclusion

Aquaman releases all the knots from a pent-up climax. The movie is satisfying and I would watch the sequel any day any time. The final scene with the reconnection of the father and the mother wraps up the movie with a perfectly satisfying resolution. On a more thematic level, the love of Aquaman’s parents surviving despite all odds renews hope for the general belief in enduring love and also a more reverberating statement that interracial dating can survive despite all the odds in a racially and stereotypically charged environment which is the US.

Black Panther – Hidden Messages and Why You Probably Should Know about the Oliphant

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La Chanson de Roland  – 11th C French Poem

When I read La Chanson de Roland, as usual, I was lost in a whirlwind of unfamiliarity and confusion over why this middle age French poem matters. While the protagonist of the poem needed to blow an ivory tusk (Oliphant) for the French king Charlemagne to come to his army’s rescue, simply because the Moors, (their opponents) had gained an upper hand over the French army, Roland delayed blowing the Oliphant due to his pride and disillusionment of singlehanded victory over the Moors. Roland finally blew the Oliphant but, rather unfortunately, he does it too late. He loses his own life and his army with him.

The Oliphant is a horn made from the ivory obtained from predominantly male elephants found in Southern Africa and parts of Asia. By extension, the Oliphant represents masculine fervor, conquest, and hegemony. This post will dwell mainly on the Oliphant’s representation of male dominance and how it is overturned in the Black Panther movie.

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Roland and the Oliphant in La Chanson de Roland

The political tyranny of Killmonger leads to a division of sorts that leaves Wakanda in two divisive wedges. Though Okoye swears her allegiance to the throne, she ends up fighting on the side of T’challa though technically Killmonger is the current king (occupant of the throne Okoye swears loyalty to).  This act on the part of Okoye causes a battle that resides on sexual factions. The battle is between the male and female sexes in the kingdom. Okoye, the commander in chief of Wakanda’s army of women, Shuri and Nakia, all women, against the insurgents, Killmonger and his new aide and right-hand man, Wakabi, and the army of cloth wearing men fighters.

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Okoye and the army of Women

The scene with the summoning of the kingdom’s store of rhinos which Wakabi gathers by blowing the Oliphant is representative of the exertion of masculine control. Of all the animals to opt for defense, why the rhino? The rhino is sturdy, towering and strong, it is symbolic of what a warrior should be. The rhino is the personification of Wakabi and is summoned to help the men’s army win the battle yet, the irony of the situation leaves viewers shocked because the indefatigable rhino suddenly freezes in his tracks when it sees Okoye. In addition, it licks her face, crumbles at her gaze and finally bows at her feet. Needless to say, this freezing of the rhino is vaguely reminiscent of how T’challa freezes in the opening scenes when he sees Nakia. These parallel scenes show a lack or at least an exaggeration of the seemingly impermeable nature of the male species.

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Wakabi and the Rhino both bow to Okoye

A few comparisons between Roland of La Chanson de Roland and Black Panther’s Wakabi are –

*In both situations, the male actors needed to blow an Oliphant to save their situations.

*Both actors, ie Wakabi and Roland display some disillusionment, Wakabi’s at the mere thought that Wakanda needed a new King with more revolutionary ideas and Roland’s, the fact that he thought he could conquer the Moors single-handedly without the help of Charlemagne the French king.

*Both scenes in both works of art revolve around war or battle and actually take place on a battlefield.

*Both characters blowing the Oliphants are male.

*The Oliphant is used as a means to an end, in both scenarios, the horn is blown as a recourse.

***

 

Book Review, Bell Hooks – Feminism Is for Everybody (Work in Progress)

Capture d_écran 2018-05-24 à 4.57.59 PM Dr. Negash assigned this book in our 7000 writing class and like any flustered grad student, I decided that I’d read an article or two about it and read the real book later. The one thing that made me come back to this book outside of course my professor’s swearing by it, is the confusion that surrounds this concept of Feminism. Whether you are indifferent, repulsed or simply really wondering what these Feminists are about, it comes as no surprise to me especially because recently, I shift uncomfortably in my seat when I read posts online while feeling increasingly anxious to call myself Feminist or engage in the distracting conversation that surrounds Feminism. Reading this book has been both an enriching and tedious experience and this post’s main aim is to demystify Feminism with the help of this amazing writer, Bell Hooks, while attempting to keep readers on track and constantly reminded of the concept’s core motivations ( the elimination of sexism ) as well as the introduction of all the many fundamental and motivating factors for the naissance of this movement. (In plain language, it is a lot to take in, but while reading, keep main ideas in mind, main ideas like the fact that Feminsim isn’t anti-male therefore trends like #MenAreTrash do not equal Feminism) I will highlight the core ideas Bell Hooks presents based on the sequence they’re presented in, in addition to connecting theory with examples from society.

What is the Aim of Feminism?

Feminism is a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation and oppression ;the movement isn’t anti- male, rather it addresses sexism; which implies that all of us, male and female have been socialized to accept sexist thought and action from birth. As a consequence, females can be just as sexist as men; the patriarchy’s other synonym is institutionalized sexism;- a system that males benefit more from because of the assumption that they are superior to females and should rule over us….

In feminism, men will find the hope of their release from the patriarchy that holds them bondage too. A vision of mutuality is the ethos that must shape our interactions. – Paraphrase from Bell Hooks

For the purposes of this post, I’d state that this conversation revolves mainly around the theme of heterosexual relationships.

Half the time, the connotation of oppression is this vision of a person in chains. The truth though, is that oppression can still happen in subtle ways through the policing of bodies and the indirect or direct compulsion placed on individuals to conform to what is ‘right’ or ‘acceptable’. Your dressing as a female can be policed, your personal sexual reproductive choices can be policed, your conduct at work or at home can be policed, examples are endless. Women can be as sexist as men and this manifests itself in a myriad of ways including your baby brother or another male waiting for you to get home to clean a sink full of plates because mom or some female told him it was your job/role to do ‘those’ things around the house simply because you are the female. Faux feminists present essentially as women who are sexist knowingly or unknowingly. Those women that feed into the idea of pleasing the patriarchy. My mom has told me over and over again about the need to exercise, not for the sake of my health, but because men don’t like hanging bellies. 🙂 My mom has my interests at heart but is unknowingly placing it in my mind that my fitness goals need to be out of the need to look appealing. To who though? Though men have their unique struggles, this post is mainly to demystify Feminism because often, it is seen as an anti-male train and remains daunting and antagonistic in the eyes of society. Bell Hooks suggests that we all become feminists, not literally label ourselves feminist while actively engaging but to at least have a basic understanding that though idealistic, aiming for the elimination of sexism can help everyone including men find the hope of their release from the oppressive tag of ‘masculinity‘.

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Feminists are not angry

 

That type of oppressive masculinity that tells men not to cry because they are men. Needless to say, crying is a human phenomenon. That norm that suggests to women to feel less ‘feminine’ if they are unable to cook three square meals or that voice that tells a man who does most ‘womanly duties’ around the house that he isn’t man enough or the other perception he has of not being ‘man enough’ if he’s unable to financially provide or if rather, unfortunately, his partner earns more than he does.

Sexism conditions us to act in certain ways only due to our sex and from that point, it places oppressive expectations such as the ones mentioned which limits individuality or in this specific context, favors one sex ( the male sex ) over the female sex.

Summary

Feminism isn’t anti male; it is rather anti – sexism

Feminism wants to eliminate sexism which is the lifeblood of the patriarchy

The patriarchy’s other name is institutionalized sexism

The patriarchy favors one sex over the other; which means both sexes are affected by sexism yet one (male) benefits more from the system than the other

If we all become feminist aka subscribe to the idea of eliminating sexism, men can also benefit through the elimination of their own unique and imposed struggles that society thrusts upon them ie not being ‘men enough’

Moesha Boduong, the Ghanaian Reality or a Disgrace to the Image of the ‘Honest’ Working Class Ghanaian Woman?

When I saw Christiane Amanpour outdoor her new show Sex and Lovearound the world, I wondered what grand plan lay behind the production of this show…

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9:40 something pm, my phone is buzzing with messages. The girls are upset over Moesha’s comments about Ghanaian women and their having to live off transactional relationships often with older men. Moesha is a Ghanaian socialite whose real profession is unknown. We either think she lives off her men or is employed in a day job that can not technically pay for her lifestyle so the sugar daddy or better put, the sponsor, fills in the paycheck gap. Chimamanda Adichie in her novel Americanah paints a vivid depiction of the complex socio-economic landscape in Nigeria while specifying the ambiguousness surrounding the economic life of one of her lady characters. The other co-protagonist of the novel, the man who is in love with the main character ends up marrying into a family mainly for financial reasons. Right from the middle ages until the twenty-first century, financial gain has remained a motivator of unions and relationships, Moesha’s declarations seem no different thematically from the allusions this paragraph has developed from.

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Screen Shot of South African article on transactional relationships and the spread of HIV/AIDS

My friend just returned from Nigeria and literally remained without female ‘company’ while away because he was unwilling to go along with the transactional reality that relationships are in that part of the world. Another friend recently returned from Cameroon and while asking him how his trip was, his words were that basic prostitution is out of hand. What in the world is basic prostitution? Casual relationships that dwell on economic gain was his answer. Wow, I said. Weeks ago, my eyes widened as I read this article about the blesser syndrome in South Africa. (Blessers are older men that literally bless younger women with HIV AIDS and money and condomless sex) As I drew comparisons between the facts the article presented and Ghana, I arrived at the conclusion that while the article portrayed Southern Africans as being more overt about their search for blessees and blessers, (because adverts were/are made on social media in search of younger girls to bless and older men who bless) Ghanaians are a bit more discreet in their ways I daresay mostly because of our religious hypocrisy but moving on, songs such as Ebony’s Sponsor among a host of other products of popular culture such as this episode on An African City shows us that the dynamic of sexual-economic relationships aren’t a new thing under the Ghanaian sky.

While I am not interested in determining whether Moesha was wrong to have said what she said or not, my focus rests on what Ghanaians are doing to empower women and renew mindsets so that people do have the need to rely on sugar moms or dads out of economic need. Logically, there is no way to dictate the lifestyle of humans but the more important thing is to realize the urgency that needs to come from issues like this. Our society is morally decadent and sexual episodes such as these are not the only things that we should be alarmed about. Being a Ghanaian has taught me that we are people that easily forget and make fun of every possible thing on earth. In addition, Ghanaians literally live with crocodiles yet scream in fright when we see lizards outside.

In a country where a minor can flash her naked body on camera while flies dance around her vagina and receive acclaim through viral shares and much laughter, in a country where preachers go to bed with members of their churches, hold entire services to demand the body counts of their members with much focus on how much members are bringing to the church coffers rather than a focus on the salvation of members, in a country where female singers get shamed over their choice of dress, in a country where full grown parlimentarian women get shamed over wearing body jewelery such as anklets, in a country where women sometimes often fall prey to sexual requirements to secure or keep a job, ( well this happens in our schools too ) in such a country, a country where if you’re a woman in a top position, people wonder if you slept your way up, paying little heed to your credentials, a country where self-acclaimed relationship experts and mariage counsellors hide behind morality and push severe and unrestrained sexism and remain justified, this is our country where scandals blow over quickly just to be replaced by other ones while we laugh and laugh, maybe it is time to ask what exactly we are doing besides laughing or hurling angry words at people such as Moesha while the truth stares us in the face. Ghanaians love to circumvent and address everything else but the truth and possible solutions. Maybe it is high time we brainstorm real solutions.

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Comments like this are refreshing because it is very much like that community with the dusty, bumpy, eroded road. One of the community members decides to tar only the portion of the road that is in front of their house while the dust from the rest of the road blows up and touches the same house that sits in front of the little stretch of tarred road.

Watch Moesha’s full interview here.

 

Silver Patch II

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Wax Prints

But women can put men in a net too.

Yeah they can, I mean we all can put whoever in whatever net we please..

Yeah, so I wonder why the story is so gender biased then…

That’s how we’re wired. We’re taught to think that way, I guess. I wonder if there are any stories in our society that paint vulnerability or compromise or suffering masculine…they’re all conveniently painted feminine, and I think this also puts some kind of pressure on men because they aren’t themselves. I imagine they go through the worst situations cos all this pressure makes it hard to be a man, I mean they’re human first before their sex comes into the conversation,..but I digress…

Yeah, I get you. I need to go though, we’ll talk later.

I could sense the irritation in Bibi’s voice. Her unnecessarily dry tone and the way she asserted the thought that men alone didn’t have the exclusive right of placing women in nets. We all can do it. She emphasized. You know I can put him in a net too right?!  I can get complacent too! Her voice broke and I knew she was probably already teary. I was wide awake now. Maybe the awfully cold analogy had triggered a nerve. Maybe she hated the depiction of vulnerability that came with the story. I’d gone and said the wrong thing with my big mouth. I wondered if this analogy had been the right move. I doubt Bibi considered herself some old beaten down and conquered saltwater fish. Though tense, I really couldn’t shake off the mental picture of Bibi in a net; – well she did kind of look like some creature to be quiet honest with that big head of hers. I stifled what would have been a resounding laugh.

Are you upset?

No, I just have a lot of things on my mind.

Well, I hope you keep in mind that you have the power to change your situation.

Yep, thanks, sis, I agree, goodnight.

She had hung up even before I could say goodnight back to her. I lay there looking at the ceiling and its white nothingness. I concluded that our minds were like this exact same white ceiling of nothingness. Imagine the ceiling remained unpainted for years. The colors or cobwebs that would form over the whiteness can be compared to our minds. Our cobwebs and cluttered minds fill with years and years of the reception of information. Good or bad. The information eventually determines whatever comes out of our actions and maybe lives. In retrospect, I’d heard a bunch of stories similar to the net story while growing up.

There was another one that told of a shimmery piece of fabric that wore and tore after constant use. The shimmery fabric was a person or more appropriately, a woman who had slowly and gradually lost her sheen from an abusive relationship. In the tale of the wax prints, the logic followed that the wax print would withstand the lashes of time if its owner was gracious enough to take excellent care of it. On the other hand, the wax print was destined to fade and whither if its owner forgot or worst still stuffed it in a drawer and went off in pursuit of newer print fabrics.

***

Bibi needed something, anything, and everything to distract and take her mind off the net man. She’d changed her WhatsApp display photo to an image with text that read; Starve your distractions, feed your focus. It was all too funny to react to. After the abrupt end of our last conversation, I preferred to let her be the one to come to me. I had to make sure to give her enough room to deal with whatever she was feeling. I decided I’d be kinder to her this time round. I had better have good things to say this time. No morbid fishes, no net analogies, no stupid references. I had to say something more meaningful, something more uplifting, something maybe cliché like oh everything will be just fine or something less implicating like oh give it time. I googled up ways to comfort or help a person going through a breakup. My search returned; Take walks, take up a hobby, go running. Utterly useless recommendations. The suggestions weren’t good enough.

Silver Patch I

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One hour to midnight. I’m half asleep listening to my cousin cry about her boyfriend and how she isn’t so sure she can get over him. I have good intentions. A part of me is on the phone comforting her, another part of me is asleep and yet a third part of me is very frustrated with the situation my cousin is in. The man or boy is probably fast asleep or nestled in the warmth of another woman. Not to be entirely pessimistic but flashback to a couple of years ago I thought men and women or to put it quite right, people, could stay faithful and true. Times where we could attempt to raise glasses in a grand and bubbly hope of a happily ever after. I was wrong. People were selfish quite honestly, and no amount of science or providence could explain why or how we had things in hand and still had eyes on other things. I guessed her boyfriend loved/loves her but sort of feels she’s entirely in his grip. I blamed it on complacency. He’s become complacent, I breathed into the phoneI said this in a matter of factly way.  It was midnight after all, and no one had time to spare mincing words.

He feels there’s no need to keep trying. You’re in the net hun.

What net?

The net…

I rolled to a more comfortable position and tried to help her understand what net I was speaking of.

Haven’t you heard of that analogy?

No. I rolled my eyes in disbelief. She’d never heard of that analogy. Interesting.

Well, I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.

Tell me now.

Sigh…

Grandma always spoke of a man at sea who stood aboard his vessel with impatience and a fiery determination in his eyes. He was literally and figuratively hungry for fish. Fish, any kind of fish, big or small, silvery or dirty black, scaly or scaleless. Fact is, he had to return home with a big catch. The sea was boundless and dangerous and he knew he had to take his chance because there was so much more to gain. The gain outweighed the inconvenience. The vessel rolled lifelessly on the undulating current. The man’s gaze was indifferent yet expectant. He had a dirty cup in his big chapped hands. He drank slowly out of it while keeping his eyes on the vast body of water before him. He stayed transfixed until he suddenly let go of the cup. He shook his head several times and shielded his eyes with his hands. He had to see for himself if he was actually right! Fish! Fish! Oh my God Fish! There was fish! The proof was a shiny silvery patch in the water ahead. He sped ahead and threw his net with a great fuss. The silver-gold lay right beneath the water’s surface. He waited. Held his breath and stared. In a flash, he began, tugging his catch back on board. The fish jumped and tossed and wriggled and gyrated. The man remained nonchalant. He’d gotten his catch, after all, and that was all there was to it. He’d been at sea and in pursuit of the fish for ten plus hours, he’d been stressed out and frantic, yet the fish was safely in the net and the chase was over. Mission accomplished, it was time to move on.

With love from East Africa

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Crossing the Atlantic changes lives. I was less than two days in Rennes and partly stunned at my renewed sense of understanding of the word ‘overseas’. I was literally over the seas, I had traveled over the Mediterranean to this new place where 9pm still looked like 3pm and where everyone smoked and spat on the street corners. The dogs were more than the people and everyone automatically made a gurgly distinct sound in their throats when they had to pronounce the letter R.

I was in a completely different world and surrounded by very different people, ideas, food, and experiences. Everyone spoke so fast and public transport was unbelievably reliable. I stared at people on the metro and looked away when they looked back at me. Some people preferred to sit in a hunched bird-like position, huddled over their bags in a desperate bid to catch the last bits of sleep before they arrived at their destinations. Others stayed wide awake reading a paper or staring out the window. I’d come to know the tram line so well. Three more stops before we get to the University. I’d jump off energetically lest the door ram shut! On this vast college campus, I’d sometimes meet people that I felt not all that mentally in tune with. Small talk would develop into conversations, and these conversations would slowly plateau into dismal pleasantries. Later, I’d start avoiding people entirely in a frantic attempt to dissociate. Other times, I found myself in the company of people I thought were perfect! We had the same thoughts and impressions on a myriad of topics, we loved the same music, we agreed on what outfits looked good and which looked tacky. We would sit for hours on end enjoying the silence of our shared experiences.

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My class was full of Asians. I think I may have mastered the art of small talk at that point in my life. I ‘d ask the dumbest questions, like how did they make the chopstick not fall out of their grip and why they ate that many eggs. The White Americans in my class preferred to walk together in cliques. They drank wine with whatever little breaks we had in between class and maintained a close-knit group. They were here on a group travel sponsored by one of these organizations, AISEC or CIEE. My breaks were times where I had conversations with myself or someone from back home. I was lonely and mostly too cold to care for conversation or feel like I was missing out on the Asians out-of-the-world Tofu experience or the Americans’ wine drinking spree. I sat with my phone in hand on most days, close by the heater.

I had gloomy days for a while until I met Mandy. Mandy was American and she was in Université Rennes 2 through CIEE. She is originally from Kenya and full of life and laughter. She quickly became a representation of East Africa and opened my eyes to the possibilities of real life, real people, and experiences beyond the confines of Ghana. She had long black braids that came down to her waist. They were dyed scarlet at the edges and she was really tall;  about six feet and two inches and unapologetic about towering over our heads. She wore heels all the time! Heels and really short mini jupes. She wanted to get married thrice because she was unsure of the possibility of being stuck with one man for life! She was an outlier, funny and the perfect friend. Mandy reinforced the importance of travel and the acceptance and acknowledgment of different perspectives. I was Ghanaian after all and had known everything Ghanaian up until that point so meeting her was truly refreshing and very different. We went out at night in zero-degree weather and came back near morning, half asleep and holding our shoes in our hands. She lived with a host family and loved the family’s daughter Carla but hated their dog with all her might. She said the dog got hair on all her fine clothes.

Eight years after Rennes, I am still in touch with Mandy.Image-1 (4)